Mama PhD: July 2013

As a grad student, I have a lot of time when I don’t have to be on campus and so am free to visit my friends and family scattered around the globe almost half the year. See, the problem with laying down roots in a brand new city (it’s been almost 6 years, Pittsburgh!) is that you’ve left so many people in other wonderful places. So there is a lot of visiting to do. Especially when you have an adorable child to show off. Hubby, on the other hand, chose a life outside of academia and so does not have the 4-month reading breaks. For that reason, Antonia and I do a lot of adventuring on our own.

She isn’t even two and a half yet, and she’s already done A LOT of traveling. She’s been to:

Sweden and France (3X)

Bozeman, Montana (2X)

Tucson, Arizona (2X)

Montreal, Canada (1X)

Miami, Florida (1X)

Sydney, Cairns, Brisbane, Australia (1X)

As well as road trips to:

Harrisburg, PA, Washington D.C., Rehoboth Beach, DE (1X)

Philadelphia, PA (1X)

Old Greenwich, CT (1X)

So she’s an old hat at long flights, car rides, and layovers, as well as switching day and night and summer to winter. But every time we travel with her it’s different. So I’ve synthesized a little of what works and what doesn’t for your reading pleasure.

Here’s how we make it work.

Financially:

· Until a kid is 2, they fly for free (almost). So you get the luxury of having them writhe, scream, and puke in the comfort of your lap. Then after they turn 2 and are small and cute and have little hair, you may be able to get a couple more months out of lap seat perks, as long as you are flying nationally… I cannot stress this enough: get out and go as soon as that baby has a passport! Flying with an infant is EASY. All they ever want to do is sit on your ~~lap~~ boob anyway. No excuses, new parents, get out there!

· Frequent flyer points and miles from our credit card.

· Meeting up with papa on work trips (when the hotel is paid for anyway, as are his meals)

· Stay with family and friends and guilt them into coming to pick you up at the airport. (This doesn’t always work but it’s worth a try)

Logistics:

· Naptime/red eye flights and car trips whenever possible.

· Any direct flight (no matter if it is twice as expensive as the 2-stop—take it. It’s worth it.

Coupled with your knees hitting the seat in front of you and a debilitating fear of crashing, flying can be difficult. When you can pass baby to your partner and head to the bathroom for a breather, or stretch your legs, life is good. When you’re alone, I’ll be honest—it is HARD. There is no way to get to your gate with your massive carry-ons, dump the stuff and head to the bathroom. You have to take everything with you; including your toddler who takes off at a run across the airport the minute she senses that you have 0 % patience or energy to chase her. Then there’s the security line, which I usually come out of DRENCHED in sweat from all the loading and unloading and keeping track of aforementioned Houdini child.

· You only have two hands; so make sure you do not over-pack. One roller suitcase, a backpack, a good carrier (I have a Boba http://www.bobafamily.com/ that can go on my back or front) e basta. My cousin (who travels constantly with two kids god bless her) suggested I get a set of roller wheels to attach to the car seat https://www.gogobabyz.com/and bring that instead of the stroller. This worked wonderfully. And it’s good to have a car seat with you if you are moving around town in cabs.

· Buy or rent or borrow from people where you are going. I bought a cheap city stroller for our week in Paris, and have rented travel cribs and car seats at various destinations.

Distraction:

· New toys and books (borrowed or bought) Playdoh, duplos, temporary tattoos, sticker books

· Ipad with a familiar new movie, or new episodes of a favorite show. I had bought Ice Age on iTunes thinking Antonia would love it, but since she didn’t recognize the characters, she didn’t want to watch it. Instead she stuck with Finding Nemo since she had already seen parts of it before (I’ve found familiar but semi-new things really help with anxiety)

· New snacks she doesn’t normally get at home (fruit snacks for example, which also help with popping the ears during take off and landing) Goldfish, animal crackers, craisins instead of raisins etc. Novelty is KEY.

· New sippy cup. Again, feels special and keeps them sucking to avoid ear pain.

Making few enemies:

On our flight from Stockholm-Frankfurt-Paris Antonia was a hysterical mess until she fell asleep and kept kicking the person next to her as she was trying to sleep on my lap. I luckily had some Marabou chocolate within reach and gave it to my neighbor who was immediately less irritated to be sitting next to us. (This could have worked better if I had bought him a drink, but drinks are still free on Lufthansa)

For me the hard thing about traveling as a lone adult with a child is not the actual travel. Nor is it being in a new unfamiliar place. Kids are remarkable troopers; they can handle jet lag like a boss, keep themselves occupied for hours on end with a sticker book and skymall magazine, and even try any new food you throw at them. As long as it’s the only option. I am all for doing as much as possible, because life (and especially adventure) should not stop when you decide to start a family. No, the hard thing is the in betweens: the security lines, the buses and layovers, the finding the right train or rental car place or bus to the hotel on my own.

I am not going to lie. This last trip to Europe was difficult for me since we spent almost every night in a different place and I had to do so much of the actual traveling alone with Antonia. I had over-packed and so may have damaged my back for the foreseeable future from all the carrying. Also, I vote 2.5 the worst age for traveling (especially with a stubborn Capricorn). But in the end we survived and learned what will work better next time.

Check it out! Doesn’t it all seem worth it to have had these experiences? Here are some highlights from our last trip to Sweden in May-June 2013. Stay tuned for part II with the main focus on eating at restaurants in France with a toddler. I’m going to give that annoying lady who wrote Bringing up Bébé a run for her money.

Watch that the flight attendants don't take off your child's feet with the drink cart

One new toy at a time. Snow White barbie (I didn't buy it!) got us through the layover in Newark

New fun headphones made Nemo even more fun

New baby doll and hours spent on buckling her in

Quick and short afternoon nap in Stockholm. (We survived the trip!)

Karin's beautiful kitchen. The sleepness night seems so far away now

Playing with cousin Oscar

First of many Swedish playgrounds--a good way to beat jet lag

Putting Faster Karin down for a nap with all the new toys

Checking out the pigs at the playground with a real blond

And the next day, we're off to Huskvarna to see Farmor och Farfar! (Antonia's great grand-parents)

Thank goodness Hanna was there to help with this train ride! We all got a little train-sick

Frukost i Huskvarna

The travel crib remained unused on this trip.

Lunch på Spira

I cannot stress enough how wonderfully important it is to share everyday life with family that is far away. Here we are watching the news and eating dessert, Antonia has made herself a little seat. It's 9 pm and the Nordic sun is burning in through the windows still

FIKA med Farmors kakor och bullar

View of the lake (Vättern) from my grandparents' new apartment

Off to Tove and Olle's wedding!

Antonia kept saying, "Princess getting married!" And now anytime someone wears a dress they "have a baby in the belly"

I spent a year in high school in Sweden and though I've seen them almost every year since, separately or in smaller groups, this is the first time my whole group of friends has reunited since 1999!